Lunch Break

I’m at work when I hear your ringtone. You know I can’t play now. What are you up to? I have to wait until my break to check your message.

Oh, Goddess. You are a bad, bad man. My mouth goes dry as I listen. Every breathy word tells me what you want to do to me and what you’re doing at the thought of it. If only my break were long enough to call you back…

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In the mood…

…..not really.  Which is an oddity in itself.  I’m pretty much always in the mood which is why I have such a naughty sense of humor.  It’s Thursday and apparently I need to do some Thinking.

I’ve been flirting with someone new for just over a month now.  He’s definitely long distance, about 600 miles away.  Distance is just a circumstance.  That I would need a passport to go that far North, just a circumstance.  Him being 9 years younger than me, yet another circumstance.

None of those things would define a relationship.  Place certain conditions on a relationship, maybe, but not define it.  So why is it I was in no mood to flirt with him last night?  I can name that tune in one note: trust.

There is a certain amount of trust required for any kind of relationship.  Even just as casual friends people need to be able to trust that the other person won’t hurt them, lie to them, stalk them.

Having met my ex online, and 12 years later caught him with another woman online, I’m a bit familiar with the whole concept of being someone you’re not when you’re online.  It’s easy to talk to someone who’s not looking you in the eye.  It’s easy to tell them what they want to hear, talk for hours and not really say anything, keep them around for company because you don’t have anyone else to talk to.

But what do you do when you realize they are for real?  Yes, I would actually consider crossing the border to meet him.  I won’t say I’d do anything for love, but I’d damn sure consider it.  Lately, though, I’m not so sure.

You see, he doesn’t trust me.  I know a few things about him, personal stuff, family stuff, work stuff.  My stuff?  I’m an open book.  But he’s becoming less open with information.  Even as friends you have to talk and exchange details about yourselves to get to know one another.  You have to trust me.

Knowing that trust is not there is a real buzz kill.  Believe me, he’s got a sexy smile and a nice voice, and he’s not afraid to be silly.  But it takes more than that to keep my attention.  I’m drawn to intelligence, humor, confidence, honesty.

Okay, maybe he really is working 12 hour days.  I don’t need constant attention, but don’t make me feel like you’re hiding something from me.  I do try to give the benefit of the doubt in most cases.  But that only goes so far.

Trust is a two-way street.  I won’t stick around to be convenient.  If you want me, you have to show some effort.  You have to give a little.  You have to trust me.

It’s more of a turn-on than I realized…